I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i think my mom watched the whole time
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
