I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
