didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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