at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize