I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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