We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
