I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
