I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
