If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
