I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
