I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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