The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize