Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize