I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
