It was confusing and full of hummus
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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