whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
