I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
