I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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