We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
