Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
