dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
