I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
