ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
