You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
