My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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