my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
