there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
