I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
