whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
