And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
