What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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