I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
