I am puke
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
