My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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