no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
