Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
