Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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