no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
