you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
