I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
