We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
