I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
