our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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