I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The best revenge is premature balding
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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