the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize