Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
