My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
where am i from again
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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