I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
