Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
