Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize