So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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