Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
