We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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