your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize