I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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