he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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