Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
