some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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