i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
