Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
