You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
