If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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