just come out here and I will go home with you...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
