i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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