Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Someone shattered a urinal.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
