about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
