She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
