I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
