dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i think i have herpe
just one?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
