Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
