Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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