sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
