i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
