I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
