Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
