My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
