does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
