you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize