I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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