Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
