as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize