Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
