It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Ladies don't puke and tell
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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