We should be called the Road Head Warriors
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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