i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
