thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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