you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You're like the curious george of whores
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
