you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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