So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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