Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
