history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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