i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
