You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
